What can grief feel like?
Grief can feel chaotic and out of control, and it rarely moves in a straight line. The NHS says there is no right or wrong way to feel. Feelings may come and go rather than be there all the time, and for most people they become less intense over time.
Commonly reported experiences include:
- Shock or numbness, often at first
- Overwhelming sadness and a lot of crying
- Anger, towards the person you lost or the reason for the loss
- Guilt, including guilt about feeling angry
- Tiredness and exhaustion
Do people grieve in stages?
Not in a fixed order. The NHS describes stages often linked with grief, such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, but notes that you may not go through all of them and they may not come in order. Grief is personal, and it does not follow a timetable.
How does culture and faith shape mourning?
Mourning customs, prayers and gatherings differ between families, communities and faiths, and they can be a real source of comfort. Clinical definitions respect this. Both ICD-11 and DSM-5-TR say grief should only be seen as a disorder if it clearly goes beyond the social, cultural or religious norms of the person’s own community.
Some people find their grief does not fit the expected pattern. They may feel they should be "over it" once condolences end, or grieve a loss that was not a death. The NHS notes that grief can also follow the end of a relationship or losing a job or home. These griefs are real too.
How can grief affect daily life?
In the months after a loss, it is common to find work, study, meals and sleep harder to manage. The NHS suggests small, achievable goals rather than trying to do everything at once, regular meals and exercise, and talking to people you trust. It advises against using alcohol, smoking or drugs to cope, as these can make things worse.
What is prolonged grief disorder?
Prolonged grief disorder is a recognised mental health condition in which intense grief continues for much longer than expected and makes daily life very difficult. Most grief, even very painful grief, is not a disorder and does not need treatment. The two main diagnostic manuals describe it slightly differently.
- ICD-11 (WHO): persistent longing for or preoccupation with the person who died, with intense emotional pain, lasting an atypically long time (more than six months at a minimum), clearly beyond the person’s cultural and religious norms, and causing significant impairment.
- DSM-5-TR (American Psychiatric Association): for adults, the death was at least a year ago, and at least three of eight symptoms have been present nearly every day for the past month. Symptoms include feeling part of yourself has died, marked disbelief, intense emotional pain, emotional numbness, feeling life is meaningless, and intense loneliness.
- The APA estimates that 4% to 15% of bereaved adults have ongoing symptoms of prolonged grief disorder.
What kinds of support help?
Many people are supported by family, friends and faith. Others want space to talk with someone outside the family, where they do not have to stay strong for anyone. A therapist can offer that, without rushing you to "move on". For prolonged grief disorder, the APA notes that grief-focused talking therapies, including CBT approaches, reduce symptoms.
Safe Healing therapists who list grief as a specialty work online in Urdu and English.
When to seek professional support
- You are struggling to cope with daily life, or low mood has lasted more than two weeks.
- Your own efforts and the support around you are not helping.
- A year or more after the loss, grief is still intense nearly every day and makes it hard to work, see people or plan ahead.
- You are using alcohol or other substances to get through.
- If you are thinking about ending your life or joining the person who died, call Rescue 1122 or Taskeen on 0316-8275336 now.
